Longing for Russia

Yes, CM I am in the same boat as you. Oh, to go back to the happy days of our children in Moscow.

I never thought those words would cross my mind, but in a sense I am longing for Russia. I was thinking back on how good the boys behaved when we were in Moscow and how things had changed. I was trying to figure out what we were doing different and if we needed to change it to make the boys happy. Then I realized that in Moscow they were scared and shut down little boys. Yes, they appeared happy giving us laughs and giggles, but they were not comfortable with us yet to show how they were really feeling. Now they are comfortable with us and their grief is starting to show. I was reading my friend CM’s blog and the puzzle pieces just fell together.

Our little Sasha/London is having a tough go of it. Poor little thing. He cries more often than not. I’d say about 95% of the time. One thing is he does not like is human touch when he is upset/mad and crying/screaming and he only want to self sooth. He will self sooth by sitting and rocking or getting on his hands and knees and rock back and forth. Depending on how upset/mad he is his rocking can be pretty violent. It is at that point one of us will pick him up and hold him which he does not like. We just put him on our lap facing out and our arms around him loose enough that he can wiggle a bit, but not get down.

The first time I did a hold on him I decided to leave his arms out to be nice and just put my arms around his waist. I learned real quick his arms have to be pinned at his side or he will pinch and scratch. That day I also learned exactly how I had to hold him so he could not lean over and bite me. He did not bite hard, but still he bit just enough to let me know he was not happy.

You might think it is silly for us to hold him during his tantrum and we should just ignore him and leave him alone. The reason we do a hold is to break his cycle of relying on himself. He has done that his whole life and we want him to learn that we will always be there, we are his parents, and we will always take care of him.

I want to make very it clear we are not doing holding therapy when he is being calm and happy. We only do this when he is having a tantrum/meltdown. There are some therapists out there that believe holding therapy is good to do when the child is calm and cause them to be very upset. According to Dr. Federici this is not healthy holding therapy and I believe him. He is one of the best adoption therapists out there.

Igor/Kolton is a happy go lucky little guy. He is happy 95% of the time and cries on occasion. His cry is opposite Sasha’s screaming and it is a gentler pitiful cry. It us usually because he is hurt, tired or hungry all things we can usually fix. Igor and Dima have really bonded too. They do a lot of playing during the day.

Kristofer/Dima has taken his roll of big brother VERY seriously. He says it is his job to throw away the diapers. I thought this might last for a day or two, but when I asked if he still wanted to throw them away for me he said, “Yes, because it is mine job!” in the most serious voice. Too cute

Another cute moment was when Kristofer had been naughty and had to put his nose on the wall. Sasha came over and looked up at Kristofer and then put his nose on the wall too. He stood there for about 10 seconds and then toddled off to play. I chuckled and said to myself, “Yeah, he was testing it out because he knows he is going to spend some time there too in a few years.”

Since our home has been such a change for the boys we stripped the living room of a lot of stuff. It is down to our couches and rocking chairs, and the entertainment center making it more like the bare orphanage the boys are used to. We also decided to start a 30 day “Federici” lockdown and not take the boys anywhere except outside to play. We are going to wait to invite anyone over until this time is over with. This will help lower their stress levels and help them to bond to us which is very important.

Today was day one and we survived!!! I have great hope that all will be well in the next few weeks. God is on our side!