The Most Amazing Moment Yet!

(Listen to the song while you read this)

As you can imagine, we had some setbacks from Christmas with the boys. We were guessing about a 4 month set back. Sasha reverted back to tantrums and not talking and being even more manipulative with Kelly than before. Because of his tantrums it made Dima act out and Igor just reverted back into his own little world. I saw my family crumbling fast.

I never stopped asking God for help and praying for Him to help me be the best mother I could be to these boys, but the depression was creeping in. I knew I was headed down a road I had been on with Kristofer’s adoption and I did NOT want to be in that dark place again. Kelly knew I was having a rough time and was doing everything to help me too.

Nothing I was doing was enough to pull me out of it. I was exercising but stress eating and gained about 8lbs in a 2 week period. I was taking my B-vitamins and I still did not have the energy to deal with the kids. I was floating through the days and wasting precious time avoiding my children. I was grumpy and grouchy and so were they. Hmm, I wonder where they learned to do that?! I was too depressed to blog or even finish my post about Christmas!

I had chatted with a friend and told her I was desperate to find the light at the end of the tunnel. She responded with, “Go into the light…” My thoughts back were, “I can’t even see the light!”

I was mulling this over in my brain while taking a shower (my best prayer time) and asking God once again to please help me. I do not want to live in this darkness! And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t see the light (of Jesus) because I am allowing Satan to block it!

Man, that just TICKED me off inside! Satan has been whispering his dirty little lies to me about my children and I was DUMB enough to listen! I closed my eyes, pointed my finger at him and said (in my stearnest mommy voice of course), “I will not listen to you! You are a liar and I rebuke you in the name of Jesus! You have no hold on me! The blood of Jesus is more powerful than you and I rebuke you! You will leave me and my family alone!”

I am sure I cannot explain in words properly how I felt. The peace and true joy that came over me was AMAZING! I was suddenly ready to go out and spend time with my family and truly work with them on regaining ground from the set back. I had so much love to share with them.

In fact, Sasha tantrumed and instead of walking away and getting frustrated I was able to hold him through it and tell him I loved him and I was here for him. Through his 45 minute raging tantrum I had so much peace, peace that can only come from God.

This happened on Saturday and today I am still at peace and loving being a mother of still adjusting, post institutionalized boys who need my constant never changing love and guidance. The only credit I can give it to Jesus and his amazing blood he shed on the cross. It's power NEVER changes!