The affects of cribbing.

London was chatting away in his bed tonight so I walked back there to make sure he was ok. Lately he has been having a bowel movement and then falling asleep and we don't catch it until we go to bed at 11pm. Not too fun to change at that point.

I asked him if he had a dirty diaper and he said, "yes" but he didn't. I laid him back down and decided to gently rub my hand down his hair and face. When I put my hand in the crib his breathing changed to very rapid. (stress) Poor little baby was scared of what I might do. His breathing calmed as I stroked his face and his eyes started to close. London is still a very highly stressed child. It breaks my heart how much he must have been cribbed or possibly abused due to his irritability.

Speaking if his irritability we had two really good weeks three weeks ago. London would have a little tantrum at breakfast and then it would be over for the day. He interacted well with all of us during the day and would laugh, joke and play around. I think I was able to get a little more into his heart and he was opening up to me.

On Thursday April 30th Kelly had Kolton and was playing round with him and kissing and tickling him. London ran to me hoping for the same treatment which I did. When I put him back on the floor he put his hands up to me and asked for more. This was HUGE since he did that with Kelly in the room and Kelly holding Kolton. Normally he stands as close to Kelly as he can and tries his hardest to take Kelly's attention. We are making attachment headway!!!
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Sunday we did have a setback which affected the while family for this week. We went to a birthday party and it caused London to come home very irritable. We think it was a combination of being around lots of people (stress) and I fed him a few bites of cake. We have had London allergy tested, but even though it came back negative he can't keep milk or wheat down. No sooner was I done feeding him the little bites of cake and it came back up. It was a good test, but the next day he refluxed all day. I felt so bad and I will not do that again.

Kristofer was having a hard time at the party and sat on my lap most of the time. I have a hard time getting him to slow down at home and just sit and cuddle with me so I told him it was nice to have some snuggle time and I loved him. I don't know how the conversation went after that, but then he said, "Yeah, you love my brothers more than me." Man, it broke my heart and I had to choke back the tears. I try so incredibly hard to treat them equal and I have been making a big effort to ignore the little ones and give Kristofer my undivided attention when he is talking to me or needs me. I guess it is something I need to work harder on during the day. I told him right then that I loved them all the same and I loved him more than he would ever know.

For the rest of the week he really tested me with his behavior. I cracked down on disipline and giving him good positive attention as well. Even his teacher had a hard time with him, but today she said he was better. I agree that the behavior has gotten better as the week has gone on.

I have been more nurturing lately and I think it has helped over all with all three boys. Sometimes I expect Kristofer to be a little adult and I have to remember he is a child. I have been diving back into my adoption books and that helps, but the ultimate role model I have in nurturing and caring is God and Jesus. I have a long way to go, but I have Christ on my side and I am doing a better job. I love my boys so much.

Kristofer is registered for Kindergarten!

Wow, this is so exciting, scary and sad all at once for me. His class will go all day which I am wondering what kind of a toll that will take on him. Right now pre-k is only 3 days a week for 2 ½ hours.

I think Kelly and I had some high emotions going on last night that we didn’t realize. We were both a little edgy and snappy. It didn’t help that London is a tantruming mess right now because Mama and Papa are taking control! We are ignoring his negative behavior and rewarding the positive, but it does come at a price. The negative behavior increases. I have faith that it will get better London is just testing us. He has thrived on chaos for so long he is lost without it.

Last night we did our usual ritual of praying with the boys and then we hold them and I sing Rock-a-by baby and Jesus, Name above all Names. Every night we try to switch the boys between us and last night I had London. Normally, after I start singing he gives up his tantrum (because he wants Kelly) and lays his head on my shoulder. He pulled back and screamed as loud as he could and would not stop last night. The anger boiled up in me a bit and I just set him in his crib and walked out. I went to the living room and just cried. There is only so much rejection you can take from one little guy and then it just stabs you in the heart.

I can see the good in this though because it is giving me a taste of the rejection he has felt all his life. It makes me compassionate and want to retrain his thought process and get him to love me like he has never had before. Rejection is crushing and to think of all he has had to endure his whole life just breaks by heart. He is so loved here in this home and he has no idea.

My daily prayer is for God’s love to shine through me so my children can feel the Ultimate Love of all and to help me be the best mother I can be to these boys.

January 25, 2009


This weekend we celebrated the boy's birthdays with our families. The boys got lots of great gifts and had a good time opening them and eating cake.

Today at nap time was rough for me. Sasha woke up and was asking for Papa. I was the only one around so I went in to get him. It is normal for him to stay laying down until I put my hand in the crib and then he will get up...lasting affects from being cribbed in the orphanage.
This time he turned his head to the wall. He would rather stay in his crib than come to mama! It was a very sharp dagger to my heart. I know I can't take it personally, but it hurts so much when your child rejects you like that. I think this weekend was too much and we had a major setback. I picked him up and loved on him even though he didn't want me to. I will be doing heavy attachment and bonding with him this week!

Kristofer and Kolton really enjoyed the bath crayons from Aunti Laura and Uncle Jason.

November 21, 2008

Yesterday, I decided to brave 3 little boys going to 5 stores. Since it was a total success I went ahead and gave myself the title of supermom!

When I was getting the boys ready with their diaper changes, socks, shoes and jackets I noticed the language explosion with Sasha. It is incredible! For the most part he is saying the words clearly with the ending syllable being left off. If it was something he came up and asked me I don’t think I would know what he was asking for, but since he was saying everything as I got it out I knew exactly what it was.

He will bring me a toy semi truck and say fix it wanting me to put it together. He can also say yellow very well and knows that color. He is a bright boy. We just had to get his stress levels down and his vocabulary expanded. I think in the next few weeks we are going to see some amazing development.

Last night when I was reading the boys stories Sasha was sitting to my right. I notice my arm was being heavily loved on and turned and looked at him. He gave me the biggest smile and went back to loving on my arm. It melted my heart and made me fall in love with him more. (I will clarify that Kelly had to work late and was not home. I’m SURE it would not have happened had Kelly been home, but my heart was still melted.)

I have loved Sasha since the beginning, but when you have a tantruming angry child it is hard to have that” ooy gooy melt your heart” love for them like a mother should. I have heard the term “fake it till ya make it.” And that is what I have done. I have also prayed over and over for God to let his love shine through me because I was unable to.

Sure I would have protected Sasha, but I had not fallen in love with him yet, but I AM there now. It is funny how you think you are attached after a few weeks or months, but as time goes on you realize you/they were nowhere near attached that soon. Now you are REALLY attached. I’m sure after a year I will reflect on this 4 months and realize we are not nearly attached as we will be. Life is good!

I have a better understanding why parents who adopt older children with similar issues (or far more severe issues which could include biting, spitting, defecating, urinating everywhere, sexually acting out, rage etc) wish they never would have adopted or want to disrupt their adoption. These children are trying beyond what you can imagine. I have only had to deal with Sasha for about 4 months and he is turning around quickly now with his behavior. I can’t imagine working with a child for a year or more and seeing no improvements. Please join with me and keep adoptive parents in your prayers. You have no idea the trials they face on a day to day basis.

I have met an amazing mother of 11 online who is keeping a blog. (http://smilesandtrials.blogspot.com/) Some of her children are biological, some adopted from abroad, and some adopted domestically, but from a disrupted adoption. She also has a ministry of helping people who need/want to disrupt their adoption. Please pray for the first adoptive family, the new adoptive family to come, and the child. These children have faced rejection there whole life and get to face it all over again with their disrupted adoption. I believe this is something only God’s love can heal. You would be shocked at the number of people wanting to disrupt.

Kristofer has been doing so well in the past week or two. I feel like I have my little boy back! He has calmed down from the raging, can’t sit still, literally bouncing off the walls, active boy to a little boy who can sit and play without me telling him to. Don’t worry, he is still very active, but in a manageable way. He calmly talks to me and his stuttering is improving. He started stuttering badly the day I told him we would be leaving for our first trip to Russia. He is happy more than mad and we are having a good time together.

Today I turned on some music and took turns holding my boys and ballroom dancing around the living room. They laughed, giggled, and held on for dear life as we twirled and bounced around the room. Good bonding moment!

Kristofer got out the guitar and was jammin to the music. I see a garage band in our future.

A discipline technique I combined from two people is vinegar for nasty smart mouth talk and candy for sweet nice talk. On the days Kristofer insisted on talking to me in an angry tone I warn him to talk with a smile or get vinegar. Typically he changes his tone, but sometimes he continues so I pour a little vinegar for him to drink. Funny how it straightens him right up. Since he was learning how angry nasty talk is like vinegar I wanted him to experience the taste of sweet talk. Here and there when I would hear his sweet talk I would sneak up behind him and put my hand over his eyes and tell him to open his mouth. The first time I did it he had the hardest time trusting me. Now he knows I’ll put something sweet in his mouth. Today it was so cute. He told me I was having such sweet talk he needed to give me an M&M. I love it when we both “get it.” We have both learned to keep our tone pleasant. I am his biggest example.

We are having therapists from First Steps (Indiana’s early intervention program) come in to work with Sash and Igor. I highly recommend any new adoptive parents have their kiddos evaluated soon after coming home. Issues like sensory are better caught early than late.

Occupational therapist-Seeing Igor because he has difficulty chewing. His tongue does not move laterally to push the food over and over again under his teeth. Normally, his food has to be soft enough for him to squish it on the roof of his mouth with his tongue. This week after therapy he did move his tongue laterally a lot at lunch. Today I could not figure out why in the middle of his meals he would start crying. It is because he is moving his tongue more, but is biting it as well as the food. Maybe it won’t take too long for him to catch on?

She will also start seeing Sasha for sensory issues in the next few weeks. Little things I have noticed with him made me think he might have sensory issues like not touching wet laundry when the other boys enjoy helping.

Physical therapist-Sees Igor because his muscle tone is so low. He gets worn out just walking for a bit down our street. Sasha on the other hand runs down it. When we first came home Igor could not walk in the uneven grass he just sat and cried. Now he will walk in the grass, but it is a CHORE for him and he prefers the concrete. Poor little guy cries through the whole session because she is working his muscles and he does NOT like it.

Developmental Therapist-Sees both boys to help them be on target developmentally. It is a lot of play therapy with mind exercising toys.

I am excited for the days to come and my heart is overflowing with love for my boys. Here are some recent pictures.

The boys always want to be involved and have me hold them while I'm in the kitchen. I was trying to clean the microwave so put Sasha on the counter to watch and Igor on a chair.

Igor helping me dry a pan.

My three musketeers helping with the dishes.

The boys love to watch the laundry spin in the washer and dryer.

This photo is amazing to me and shows how far Sasha has come since arriving home 4 months ago. Today he was initiating play on his own and zooming cars down the track. When he first came home we had to teach him to play because all he wanted to do was throw toys. That is how he played...Looking back we saw him throwing toys instead of playing with them at the orphanage too.