The affects of cribbing.

London was chatting away in his bed tonight so I walked back there to make sure he was ok. Lately he has been having a bowel movement and then falling asleep and we don't catch it until we go to bed at 11pm. Not too fun to change at that point.

I asked him if he had a dirty diaper and he said, "yes" but he didn't. I laid him back down and decided to gently rub my hand down his hair and face. When I put my hand in the crib his breathing changed to very rapid. (stress) Poor little baby was scared of what I might do. His breathing calmed as I stroked his face and his eyes started to close. London is still a very highly stressed child. It breaks my heart how much he must have been cribbed or possibly abused due to his irritability.

Speaking if his irritability we had two really good weeks three weeks ago. London would have a little tantrum at breakfast and then it would be over for the day. He interacted well with all of us during the day and would laugh, joke and play around. I think I was able to get a little more into his heart and he was opening up to me.

On Thursday April 30th Kelly had Kolton and was playing round with him and kissing and tickling him. London ran to me hoping for the same treatment which I did. When I put him back on the floor he put his hands up to me and asked for more. This was HUGE since he did that with Kelly in the room and Kelly holding Kolton. Normally he stands as close to Kelly as he can and tries his hardest to take Kelly's attention. We are making attachment headway!!!
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Sunday we did have a setback which affected the while family for this week. We went to a birthday party and it caused London to come home very irritable. We think it was a combination of being around lots of people (stress) and I fed him a few bites of cake. We have had London allergy tested, but even though it came back negative he can't keep milk or wheat down. No sooner was I done feeding him the little bites of cake and it came back up. It was a good test, but the next day he refluxed all day. I felt so bad and I will not do that again.

Kristofer was having a hard time at the party and sat on my lap most of the time. I have a hard time getting him to slow down at home and just sit and cuddle with me so I told him it was nice to have some snuggle time and I loved him. I don't know how the conversation went after that, but then he said, "Yeah, you love my brothers more than me." Man, it broke my heart and I had to choke back the tears. I try so incredibly hard to treat them equal and I have been making a big effort to ignore the little ones and give Kristofer my undivided attention when he is talking to me or needs me. I guess it is something I need to work harder on during the day. I told him right then that I loved them all the same and I loved him more than he would ever know.

For the rest of the week he really tested me with his behavior. I cracked down on disipline and giving him good positive attention as well. Even his teacher had a hard time with him, but today she said he was better. I agree that the behavior has gotten better as the week has gone on.

I have been more nurturing lately and I think it has helped over all with all three boys. Sometimes I expect Kristofer to be a little adult and I have to remember he is a child. I have been diving back into my adoption books and that helps, but the ultimate role model I have in nurturing and caring is God and Jesus. I have a long way to go, but I have Christ on my side and I am doing a better job. I love my boys so much.