Kristofer is registered for Kindergarten!

Wow, this is so exciting, scary and sad all at once for me. His class will go all day which I am wondering what kind of a toll that will take on him. Right now pre-k is only 3 days a week for 2 ½ hours.

I think Kelly and I had some high emotions going on last night that we didn’t realize. We were both a little edgy and snappy. It didn’t help that London is a tantruming mess right now because Mama and Papa are taking control! We are ignoring his negative behavior and rewarding the positive, but it does come at a price. The negative behavior increases. I have faith that it will get better London is just testing us. He has thrived on chaos for so long he is lost without it.

Last night we did our usual ritual of praying with the boys and then we hold them and I sing Rock-a-by baby and Jesus, Name above all Names. Every night we try to switch the boys between us and last night I had London. Normally, after I start singing he gives up his tantrum (because he wants Kelly) and lays his head on my shoulder. He pulled back and screamed as loud as he could and would not stop last night. The anger boiled up in me a bit and I just set him in his crib and walked out. I went to the living room and just cried. There is only so much rejection you can take from one little guy and then it just stabs you in the heart.

I can see the good in this though because it is giving me a taste of the rejection he has felt all his life. It makes me compassionate and want to retrain his thought process and get him to love me like he has never had before. Rejection is crushing and to think of all he has had to endure his whole life just breaks by heart. He is so loved here in this home and he has no idea.

My daily prayer is for God’s love to shine through me so my children can feel the Ultimate Love of all and to help me be the best mother I can be to these boys.