April 5, 2009

We spent Palm Sunday with Kelly's parents and attended Hobbs Christian. It was the opening of the new education wing and they held Sunday School class for the children for the first time in many years. It was exciting to be there and celebrate with the congregation.
Somehow we did not get one picture of Kristofer. He was having too much fun running around and playing.

Having a snack in the pew.

Having a cookie. Yum!

Grandma O playing with the boys.

London supervising Grandma O cutting her cherry pie.

The family sitting for dinner.

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Kristofer got to stay at Grammy and Pa's house until Thursday. He was feeling pretty special that he got invited and his brothers did not.

One day Kristofer spotted their Easter presents in the closet and Grammy told him he had to wait until Easter to see. Later in the day he told Grammy he was ready to go home. When she asked him why he said, "It's just not working out." Grammy let him look at the book, but told him he had to act surprised on Easter.

April 2, 2004 Zoo, First Haircut, etc...

Kristofer with his friend Noah.

Noah's little sister Emily.

The train is a must see at the zoo.

Hanging out watching the penguins.

Kolton's first haircut. We had previously trimmed his bangs so they would not be in his eyes. This time is was a full cut. Thanks Auntie!

Kristofer is quite the handyman. He can change the batteries by himself.

Kristofer got to enjoy his first Surf and Turf dinner with mama and papa. He liked the crab legs.

This verse keeps popping up on me when I read people's posts online. The latest was a friends status on facebook. I'm beginning to think God wants me to remember this verse. What do you think?

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." – Galatians 6:9

I am not giving up on my boys. God's love is stronger than any pain and trauma they have endured and it will heal all wounds. In the name of Jesus.

Kristofer is registered for Kindergarten!

Wow, this is so exciting, scary and sad all at once for me. His class will go all day which I am wondering what kind of a toll that will take on him. Right now pre-k is only 3 days a week for 2 ½ hours.

I think Kelly and I had some high emotions going on last night that we didn’t realize. We were both a little edgy and snappy. It didn’t help that London is a tantruming mess right now because Mama and Papa are taking control! We are ignoring his negative behavior and rewarding the positive, but it does come at a price. The negative behavior increases. I have faith that it will get better London is just testing us. He has thrived on chaos for so long he is lost without it.

Last night we did our usual ritual of praying with the boys and then we hold them and I sing Rock-a-by baby and Jesus, Name above all Names. Every night we try to switch the boys between us and last night I had London. Normally, after I start singing he gives up his tantrum (because he wants Kelly) and lays his head on my shoulder. He pulled back and screamed as loud as he could and would not stop last night. The anger boiled up in me a bit and I just set him in his crib and walked out. I went to the living room and just cried. There is only so much rejection you can take from one little guy and then it just stabs you in the heart.

I can see the good in this though because it is giving me a taste of the rejection he has felt all his life. It makes me compassionate and want to retrain his thought process and get him to love me like he has never had before. Rejection is crushing and to think of all he has had to endure his whole life just breaks by heart. He is so loved here in this home and he has no idea.

My daily prayer is for God’s love to shine through me so my children can feel the Ultimate Love of all and to help me be the best mother I can be to these boys.

Last night we had cheeseburgers for dinner. Kolton’s is a meat patty with cheese and London’s is just a meat patty because he cannot keep milk products down. The big bottle of mustard was near London and he kept pointing to it and calling it cheese. I told him it was mustard and did he want to try it. He said, “Yes.” I put it on his plate and he enjoyed dipping his hamburger into it.

Kolton had to have some too and decided he was going to eat it by itself. He even had two more squirts on his plate after his cheeseburger was gone. London could not be outdone so he said he wanted some too. He took a big bite swished it in his mouth, swallowed , screwed up his face and said, “YUCK!”
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Kristofer wanted Kolton/Igor to do something and Kolton/Igor was not playing along. Kristofer went after him saying, “IGOR RYAN…!” This is very funny because Kristofer’s middle name is Ryan so he thinks everyone should be called by their first name and then Ryan when they are in trouble.

On March 14^th we met with Nadya Molina who is one of the top behavior therapists. (http://www.alternativebehaviors.com/) Our agency hosted her and Dr. Ronald Federici so parents could have one-on-one consults.

We talked to Nadya about all three of our boys, but the one we need the most help with is London/Sasha. She suggested that we reward positive behavior instead of negative. It is amazing how easy it is to reward the negative with attention (even if it is negative attention) then to take the time to reward positive attention. So when London tantrums we are to sit near him, but not look at him, and let him have his tantrum. I told her how stressful and annoying his scream/cry is and she suggested investing in a good iPod. I had my “Aha!” moment after reading Carla’s blog (http://bringingbabymorganhome.blogspot.com/2009/03/progress-report.html) where her son is now trying to get positive attention instead of negative. It gave me such hope.

We discussed how London fixates on words and she suggested that he has post institutionalized autism. For example we are all eating dinner and London finishes first. He wants his juice and I tell him he has to wait a minute until we are finished eating. So he sits and says “juice, juice, juice” like a broken record. It is amazing how unpleasant that is. The very cool part of PI Autism is that is it curable because it is a coping mechanism that he implemented to cope with the stress going on in his little life. Breaks your heart doesn’t it?

With Kristofer and Kolton we think they have an auditory processing disorder. With Kristofer he can be looking right at me while I’m talking and squint his eyes and say, “What you say mama?” With Kolton he stands there lost saying “Huh?” at a simple common one step command. Apparently, this comes from not enough language stimulation when they were young. We are currently trying to find a provider in our area to help us with this.

Something that Nadya said that was so encouraging was that we did not appear to play favorites with our boys. Kelly and I work so hard to treat them equal with love, attention and discipline and it was nice to hear we were actually doing it! My prayer is that our children always feel we do not favor one over the other.

Some efforts I/we are doing is when I’m talking to Kristofer and one of the little boys interrupts (typically London) I physically set London aside and tell him he has to wait because I am talking to Kristofer. I think this is helping Kristofer too because he sees the efforts we are making to listen to him and meet his needs.

Kelly and I have decided that we are going to pursue an assessment from Dr. Gregory Keck’s clinic in OH. http://www.abcofohio.net/

I called today and talked to a therapist about bringing our boys for an assessment and help with possible autism, attachment and bonding. We have to fill out a 19 page application for each boy and after it is mailed in they will get us an appointment pretty quick.

London has great fear of doors being closed on him, even the shower doors. If his brothers close them so they can splash London is in a terror screaming panic trying to claw his way out of the tub. This could be from a lot of isolation possibly in dark rooms.

When he first came home he would scream in terror at bath time. He would try to claw his way out of the tub and did not like water of any kind to touch him. It has been a slow process, but now he really enjoys his bath and will put his face under the water and “swim” around.

Apparently, when children act up they could get scalding water or freezing water put on them. Hearing things like this makes me want to adopt more kids as fast as I can. With the way London is quick to scream and tantrum I can only imagine the abuse that might have been inflicted on him. I just pray for the strength, wisdom and love to undo what has been done to my precious little boy.

Since January I have been so tired and I kept asking myself if it was a touch of depression. I just didn’t think that was it. I have since changed my mind though. As soon as Kelly and I decided to get help from the clinic I have not been tired and I am alive! I have the energy to play with my boys. I want to hug, cuddle and snuggle them. I want to make them laugh.

Please keep us in your prayers as we take steps to help heal our son. Now, about that 19 page application…

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When I was preparing the boys dinner tonight I was cutting strawberries and putting them on their plate. I said, "Strawberries are Mmmm" and Kolton said, "Aaaaaaaameeen!" It was so cute.

March 20, 2009

We got to spend a lovely day at the zoo with our friend Jake and his mom Daryn. The daffodils were in bloom so we were able to take our annual spring pictures. Aren't the boys getting so big?

Oops, the two little ones took a tumble.

I love this picture of Kristofer and Jake. Two little buds hanging out chatting.

Cat Fight!!!

The king of the zoo.

One little monkey...

I love how his hair is sticking up from the static.

The construction of the new polar bear exhibit was the highlight for my boys.

London was in the middle of telling me, "No, No, No!" He wanted to go down the steep big boy slide not this one.

Kolton has come along so far with his muscle tone. He was doing a great job of climbing up the slide.

This picture was not prompted by me at all. London puckered his lips asking Kolton for a kiss and Kolton obliged. I just happened to have the camera out and ready. What precious brotherly love.

Excellent climbing by both boys.