The funny of my day.

For some background…When Sasha starts tantruming over his last bite of food I tell him I will take it out of his mouth or he better stop. If he doesn’t stop I take it out and hold it until he is done having a fit. I have had them choke too often (turning blue) because they were tantruming with the last bite and it went down the wrong tube. So today during snack Igor bit his tongue and started crying then decided to take it to a food tantrum. He pushed his bowl away and started kicking his little feet and then realized he still had a bite in his mouth. HE took it out and set it down, continued with the tantrum, and then when he was done picked it up and put it back in his mouth. I started laughing so hard I was crying. OMG, it was hysterical! Igor is the little follower and thinks he has to mimic Sasha and Dima’s bad behavior. Mama is not happy about it at all. It does make for good laughs though.

I hope everyone had a HAPPY THANKSGIVING! We did. We packed up the battlewagon (our 9 passenger travel van) and headed to visit with Kelly’s side of the family. I was concerned about the stress of the boys, but we handled it well and were able to keep their stress down. We made sure they were close to us and did not let others hold them. It was really nice to spend the day with family.

I made Snickers Salad to take with us and thought I’d share the recipe.

Snickers Salad

17 fun size snickers

1 can pineapple chunks

1 can mandarin oranges

Grapes

1 apple

8 oz cool whip

Cut apple and drain canned fruit. Mix fruit. Cut snickers into bit size pieces. Mix with salad. Mix in cool whip and serve.

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Here is another example of Rage/Anger being fear. We arrived at Grammy and Pa’s house near bedtime on Wednesday night so we let the boys stretch their legs and play for a bit. At about 9:30 we finally said it was time for bed. We did our normal routine of holding the boys and just loving on them for a while. When Kelly put Sasha in his pack-and-play he went into an all out RAGE! He was screaming deep in his throat, rocking furiously, scratching, hitting etc. His rage was powerful! I’m not sure I have ever seen him quite so mad. I stood there with my mouth open for a moment and then it triggered anger in me and my first though was that Sasha was just being defiant. Then it dawned on me how scared he was. He was in a new house, new bed, new smells and sounds. For all he knew we were leaving him and walking out the door never to return.

I picked him up and started talking softly to him and rubbing his back. I told him mama and papa were staying right here and we were not going to leave him. He snuggled into me and I just held him and started singing to him…I almost couldn’t sing because he was breaking my heart and bringing tears to my eyes. After a bit I laid him back down reassuring him the whole time I was not going to leave. He was tense, but lay down without crying or tantruming. Pretty soon all three boys were sleeping soundly.

Sasha did wake in the night and he went from making a little sound to all out terror when he didn’t know where he was. I started talking to him and reassuring him we were still here. As soon as he heard my voice he was quiet and went back to sleep. Poor little guy is just so scared all the time.

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As I carried Sasha from the car to our house last night we got onto the porch and he said, “Home?” We walked in and I said, “We are home!” and breathed deeply. Yep, it smelled like our house. I am so much more aware of smells that are comforting like our home. When you are in it every day you don’t give it a though. It is when you are gone for a while that you can smell it when you walk in. It would have been interesting if we could have tested them in the moment to see if their stress levels came down. Hmm… I would like to think we have created a low stress environment in our home that it did.

November 21, 2008

Yesterday, I decided to brave 3 little boys going to 5 stores. Since it was a total success I went ahead and gave myself the title of supermom!

When I was getting the boys ready with their diaper changes, socks, shoes and jackets I noticed the language explosion with Sasha. It is incredible! For the most part he is saying the words clearly with the ending syllable being left off. If it was something he came up and asked me I don’t think I would know what he was asking for, but since he was saying everything as I got it out I knew exactly what it was.

He will bring me a toy semi truck and say fix it wanting me to put it together. He can also say yellow very well and knows that color. He is a bright boy. We just had to get his stress levels down and his vocabulary expanded. I think in the next few weeks we are going to see some amazing development.

Last night when I was reading the boys stories Sasha was sitting to my right. I notice my arm was being heavily loved on and turned and looked at him. He gave me the biggest smile and went back to loving on my arm. It melted my heart and made me fall in love with him more. (I will clarify that Kelly had to work late and was not home. I’m SURE it would not have happened had Kelly been home, but my heart was still melted.)

I have loved Sasha since the beginning, but when you have a tantruming angry child it is hard to have that” ooy gooy melt your heart” love for them like a mother should. I have heard the term “fake it till ya make it.” And that is what I have done. I have also prayed over and over for God to let his love shine through me because I was unable to.

Sure I would have protected Sasha, but I had not fallen in love with him yet, but I AM there now. It is funny how you think you are attached after a few weeks or months, but as time goes on you realize you/they were nowhere near attached that soon. Now you are REALLY attached. I’m sure after a year I will reflect on this 4 months and realize we are not nearly attached as we will be. Life is good!

I have a better understanding why parents who adopt older children with similar issues (or far more severe issues which could include biting, spitting, defecating, urinating everywhere, sexually acting out, rage etc) wish they never would have adopted or want to disrupt their adoption. These children are trying beyond what you can imagine. I have only had to deal with Sasha for about 4 months and he is turning around quickly now with his behavior. I can’t imagine working with a child for a year or more and seeing no improvements. Please join with me and keep adoptive parents in your prayers. You have no idea the trials they face on a day to day basis.

I have met an amazing mother of 11 online who is keeping a blog. (http://smilesandtrials.blogspot.com/) Some of her children are biological, some adopted from abroad, and some adopted domestically, but from a disrupted adoption. She also has a ministry of helping people who need/want to disrupt their adoption. Please pray for the first adoptive family, the new adoptive family to come, and the child. These children have faced rejection there whole life and get to face it all over again with their disrupted adoption. I believe this is something only God’s love can heal. You would be shocked at the number of people wanting to disrupt.

Kristofer has been doing so well in the past week or two. I feel like I have my little boy back! He has calmed down from the raging, can’t sit still, literally bouncing off the walls, active boy to a little boy who can sit and play without me telling him to. Don’t worry, he is still very active, but in a manageable way. He calmly talks to me and his stuttering is improving. He started stuttering badly the day I told him we would be leaving for our first trip to Russia. He is happy more than mad and we are having a good time together.

Today I turned on some music and took turns holding my boys and ballroom dancing around the living room. They laughed, giggled, and held on for dear life as we twirled and bounced around the room. Good bonding moment!

Kristofer got out the guitar and was jammin to the music. I see a garage band in our future.

A discipline technique I combined from two people is vinegar for nasty smart mouth talk and candy for sweet nice talk. On the days Kristofer insisted on talking to me in an angry tone I warn him to talk with a smile or get vinegar. Typically he changes his tone, but sometimes he continues so I pour a little vinegar for him to drink. Funny how it straightens him right up. Since he was learning how angry nasty talk is like vinegar I wanted him to experience the taste of sweet talk. Here and there when I would hear his sweet talk I would sneak up behind him and put my hand over his eyes and tell him to open his mouth. The first time I did it he had the hardest time trusting me. Now he knows I’ll put something sweet in his mouth. Today it was so cute. He told me I was having such sweet talk he needed to give me an M&M. I love it when we both “get it.” We have both learned to keep our tone pleasant. I am his biggest example.

We are having therapists from First Steps (Indiana’s early intervention program) come in to work with Sash and Igor. I highly recommend any new adoptive parents have their kiddos evaluated soon after coming home. Issues like sensory are better caught early than late.

Occupational therapist-Seeing Igor because he has difficulty chewing. His tongue does not move laterally to push the food over and over again under his teeth. Normally, his food has to be soft enough for him to squish it on the roof of his mouth with his tongue. This week after therapy he did move his tongue laterally a lot at lunch. Today I could not figure out why in the middle of his meals he would start crying. It is because he is moving his tongue more, but is biting it as well as the food. Maybe it won’t take too long for him to catch on?

She will also start seeing Sasha for sensory issues in the next few weeks. Little things I have noticed with him made me think he might have sensory issues like not touching wet laundry when the other boys enjoy helping.

Physical therapist-Sees Igor because his muscle tone is so low. He gets worn out just walking for a bit down our street. Sasha on the other hand runs down it. When we first came home Igor could not walk in the uneven grass he just sat and cried. Now he will walk in the grass, but it is a CHORE for him and he prefers the concrete. Poor little guy cries through the whole session because she is working his muscles and he does NOT like it.

Developmental Therapist-Sees both boys to help them be on target developmentally. It is a lot of play therapy with mind exercising toys.

I am excited for the days to come and my heart is overflowing with love for my boys. Here are some recent pictures.

The boys always want to be involved and have me hold them while I'm in the kitchen. I was trying to clean the microwave so put Sasha on the counter to watch and Igor on a chair.

Igor helping me dry a pan.

My three musketeers helping with the dishes.

The boys love to watch the laundry spin in the washer and dryer.

This photo is amazing to me and shows how far Sasha has come since arriving home 4 months ago. Today he was initiating play on his own and zooming cars down the track. When he first came home we had to teach him to play because all he wanted to do was throw toys. That is how he played...Looking back we saw him throwing toys instead of playing with them at the orphanage too.